There is a pattern in Fox’s reality shows, pit an aggressive brit against the americans, think of “the apprentice” winner, “hell’s kitchen” or idol. Henry James made everlasting art out of the inherent differences between the european and american cultures and a century later Fox is making money out of it.

And then there’s Archie, who just offends me in more ways than I can count, from his unrealistic talent-show karaoke of “Sweet Caroline”—performances like that make me think he will never get laid before he turns 25—to the nationalistic prattle of “America”. Neil did a wonderful, rousing take that sounded contemporary on 1981 pop radio, but this screamed “Vote Archuleta, and then vote Republican”. At least Kristy Lee had the foresight to pander and get better as the underdog who was struggling mightily when she picked “God Bless The U.S.A.”, and she gained momentum from it because she gained confidence. But it’s much more cynical to be one of the show’s darlings, and THEN pander to the red-state crowd. There’s absolutely nothing authentic in his voice, his mannerisms, his thought process OR his song selection. At least KLC sang “U.S.A.” with conviction; Archie’s “Let freedom ring”, which isn’t in the song itself, was phony and smacked of the same brainless nationalism so popular in the South at the expense of independent thought.

Other than that, welcome back, Brooke—though “I Am…I Said” was light years beyond a Magic Garden-inspired “I’m A Believer”. And Jason can go away anytime. Anyone who’d bypass “Cracklin’ Rosie” or “Red, Red Wine” for soft rock he can’t sing with feeling or personality deserves his fate, no matter what Pauler did.

As for Syesha, she’s going to be in the final three. She may be Broadway-bound, but she’s not sounded this polished and confident in eons. Besides, there’s no way that it can or should be three average guys against Brooke. Syesha’s been better the last two weeks than two of the guys, so it’s only fitting she stay over Jason.

AI has to get back to contemporary music. It’s ridoculous to have these kids singing Neil Diamond. And boring.

Paula’s snafu was a show-saving moment, but I hadn’t considered the possibility that the producers were feeding her lines. It’s an interesting theory.

I like Jason on any given day but surviving last week’s ALW fiasco is mind-boggling. Although when seen through the logic of the show, it probably made sense that he outlasted Carly and did not even figure in the bottom two. “September Morn” is not really as terrible as people make it out to be, although when the finalists are whittled to the final 5, you kind of expect something approximating brilliance. Or in my world, some radical re-arrangement of songs that work rather than as an exercise in self-indulgence or self-gratification. Maybe Jason is not versatile but when he zones in musical settings more in keeping with his style and natural tessitura, he can be memorable. Not this week though. Nor last week. Not even the time he copied Iz note for note and lyric for myric (including the faux ones). I was thinking more of the time of Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah” and “I Don’t Wanna Cry”. But that’s just me. David Cook meanwhile has regrouped and gave what people and fans expect of him. I thought his second song was quite good and he made it work for him and maybe regale even more the already-converted fans. His smug attitude, no matter how authentic may be the stuff that most folks like in him as a whole but I respect him though I won’t probably buy his album. The praises rained on him (mostly from Randy) sometimes befuddle me, but . . . Now, for Brooke. I like the warm colors of her voice, the timbre, the occasionally brilliant phrasing and her demeanor. I actually agree with the judges that her “I Am I Said” showcased the vulnerable Brooke that I also like, but I hasten to add that there is a hint of defiance to the whole proceedings. As though she wants to have fun but in a differently calibrated way. I like her to stay but her ’style’ may not be the stuff that would place her in the top three. David Archuleta’s “Sweet Caroline” was cute (I’m being sarcastic) but indistinguishable from other performers who didn’t make the top 24 this year. His second song did not move me again, but I guess voting against flag-waving songs would be un-nationalistic. Or maybe he sang all the notes right, but if I may be nit-picky, how can anyone ignore the crack in his voice in the beginning of the last stanza? It didn’t sound to me like little David’s stab at saluting outsider singers like Daniel Johnston or Ed Askew. More like an inability to handle the technical demand of the song’s scale. But Syesha certainly does not shirk away from interval leaps. I agree that theatre-bound or not, she possessed a mighty voice that can handle the monolithically range-y requirements of the song. I used to call her earlier performances as precise but soul-less, but I cannot deny her desire to improve herself week after week, tackle cliche songs with predictable aplomb a few centimeters away from being outright glorious. Yet I like her for her outsider status and her unfazed spirit to improve herself. Her perpetual bottom-dweller status and the fact that the judges (save for Paula) always give her faint praise and back-handed compliments, solidify her survivor-like tenacity to remain in the game longer than most soothsayers’ claims. Maybe in the future, the show can benefit from having a left-of-center kind of theme or something truly macabre for the mainstream’s taste: death metal, bebop jazz vocals, digging into the songbooks of B.J. Snowden or Annette Peacock or Roky Erickson. Or doing things a capella. Or having a duet partner. But if people think that having non-contemporary mentors in the show like Neil Diamond, Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber, Dolly Parton, etc. is already too far afield and not in step with pop culture, then we’d never hear someone sing a Captain Beefheart song. In his keys. In his arrangements.

I’ll say this for David Cook: American Idol’s most ridiculous premise is that whoever’s destined to be a modern pop idol should be able to make a perfectly acceptable version of whatever pop music tripe from ancient history the producers can dig up, whether it’s Broadway hits, Tony Bennett songs, Neil Diamond compositions, whatever. (I’m surprised they haven’t had a ’30s British vaudeville music hall night yet.) But so far, alone of all the contestants who’ve ever been on the show, Cook has. I’m not sure that’s a compliment, but it does demonstrate that he’s equipped to play the game. Sure, he and David Archuleta only really sing about four notes each, but Archuleta’s four notes sound like he was castrated before he hit puberty - and Fantasia won by never singing no more than four notes.

At any rate, there’s no longer any reason to even think about voting these season. What’s the worst that could happen? Cook’s the only one with a whiff of a possible career about him, and if he gets voted off he’ll still have a record contract inside of a week.

Ummm………… Do Brooke and Syesha really look THAT much alike?!?!?

Me? I am just pissed to hell that David Cook did not do Solitary Man (and I have seriously been wishing and praying for Archuleta to get crushed to death on live tv by a falling light rig or something ever since he did that bizarre David Foster song he claims he picked out himself. WHY could my dream not have come true this week about 2 lines into America? Does God not hear my pleas?).

Apparently this season is TRULY the worst, because I can’t even sit through the AllMusic blogs anymore. Maybe take this as an omen and dispense with future useless AI chatter in favor of spotlighting some (gasp) DESERVING music instead??….

I’m A Believer
Shilo
Cherry Cherry
Girl, You’ll Be A Woman Soon
Cracklin’ Rose
Red, Red Wine
A Little Me, A Little Bit You
Solitary Man

You’re joking right?