American Idol: Top 5, or “This is officially the strangest show we’ve ever done”
April 30th, 2008 | 5:05 pm est |
Heather Phares
No wonder Paula Abdul thought Jason Castro had already sung two times after the first round of performances on last night’s American Idol: the show was so dull and disappointing that it felt at least twice as long as it was. This had to be the weakest episode yet — you know you’re in trouble when Paula’s extreme befuddlement and shots of The Girls Next Door’s Bridget and Kendra in the audience are more exciting than the performances. Though he was hindered by some very scripted “witty” banter with Ryan Seacrest and a questionable new ‘do, David Cook proved again that it’s his competition to lose, turning in solid versions of lesser-known Neil Diamond songs that sounded like they could be on the radio — or, at least, commercials on the radio. David Archuleta was as squeaky-clean as ever with two of Neil’s schlockier numbers, “Sweet Caroline” and “Coming to America” (chosen in memory of Kristy Lee Cook, no doubt), and Brooke was her usual uneven self, turning in a dreadful “I’m a Believer” in head-to-toe sparkly denim but redeeming herself on one of the ultimate singer/songwriter songs, “I Am I Said.” And even though Paula’s comments for Jason Castro were premature, they weren’t inaccurate (since they were probably based on the dress rehearsal): Jason fared better on the hippie-dippy pop of “Forever in Blue Jeans” than he did on “September Morn,” which was only slightly less schmaltzy — but less affecting — than his whispery version of “Memory” from last week. Finally, Syesha continued to be the most polished and most forgettable contestant with “Hello,” and then remembered that she was supposed to be having fun like last week with “Thank the Lord for the Nighttime.” Both performances were fine, but her understated professionalism just might be her undoing this week.
Andrew Leahey
Alright. Episodes like this leave us with three possible conclusions:
1. Paula Abdul is clairvoyant.
2. Paula Abdul is stoned.
3. The conspiracy theorists were right, and this show is totally, utterly scripted.
At its best, American Idol is a harmlessly fun show that encourages healthy music criticism. It allows the TV-viewing public to take part in the machinations that turn everyday vocalists into superstars. Few media outlets challenge so many people to think about the music they consume — to choose between folksy crooners and flat-ironed emo rockers, male teenyboppers and female divas, Irish bar singers and Australian bluesmen. Whether or not that power is actually in our hands, we still have the illusion of choice — the fantasy that we’re in charge of our own musical landscape — and such authority (even if it’s all a pipe dream) helps us engage our inner Simon Cowell as we pinpoint the musical tics we hate, the tics we love, the singers who inspire us to vote, and so on. American Idol may only be a Star Search-styled program transplanted to the major leagues, but if done correctly, it has the potential to be something more.
Last night, however, Idol was a mess. Half the contestants were downright bad, and the ones who sang well only played into the stereotypes that were carved out for them weeks ago. Is this really the best crop of young American talent? Are we supposed to be proud that our votes have furnished an underwhelming Top Five with two stars, one Broadway candidate, and a pair of hit-or-miss guitar strummers? We learned nothing new, and Paula’s hilarious flub provided little relief from the tide of terrible television. Who’s going home tonight? Who knows. It’s out of our hands, really — but it’s apparently in Paula’s script.
Stephen Thomas Erlewine
Before we go any further, just a moment to say… what the blazing hell was last night’s show? Not counting “Idol Gives Back” — which should never be considered as part of the rubric of regular Idol, even though they kicked somebody off this year — this is the worst episode this season, probably the worst in several seasons, as they tried to cram two songs a piece from the Top Five into an hour, holding off commentary from the judges until the final performance. Well, that was the plan anyway, but for some reason the producers decided to turn to the judges halfway through the show, leading to stunning sight of Paula Abdul wandering far off script and giving a critique of Jason Castro’s second song before he sang it. If you’re charitable, she’s confused, relying on notes that she made during dress rehearsals. If you’re a conspiracist, you’ll take this as proof that the show is rigged, relying on notes given to her by producers. Either way, we’re all winners as it was a marvelous bit of a live television in a show that needed an unexpected moment, as the contestants are dispiritingly predictable. All the contestants are united in one other front: they have a hard time picking the right song.
Jason: By far the worst offender in terms of song selection was Jason Castro. Of all mainstream pop composers, only Neil Diamond has a wealth of songs suited to Castro’s sunny strum-along style (and, to get the cheap joke out of the way quickly, that’s not even including “The Pot Smoker’s Song”!), so what does Castro do? Not one but two songs from Neil’s late ‘70s/early ‘80s peak as schmaltzy adult contemporary balladeer, trying to smile his way through “Forever In Blue Jeans” and then crooning “September Morn” badly. “Forever In Blue Jeans” had a semblance of the sunniness that has kept Jason charming but there’s no two ways around it: these songs choices add up to a colossal blunder for Castro, suggesting that he neither can pick songs nor has a true understanding of his own style.
David C: You certainly can’t say that David Cook doesn’t understand who he is or that he can’t pick songs. He has the fortitude to sift through the entire Neil Diamond catalog and pick two dull, crawling songs nobody knows and then contort them into his signature overblown yet anonymous post-grunge. As he grew up in an age where obscurity equaled credibility, he always favors the unknown to the familiar, which lends his choices a stupid arrogance; he picks the right songs but the songs are bad, yet he’s convinced they’re good because only he knows them. He winds up picking songs that showcase him, not the song, and when they’re judged just as songs, they’re tunes nobody wants to hear and they show that the guy has no taste at all.
Brooke: In contrast to David C, Brooke picks songs everybody knows. One of them everybody knows too well — the rightly deathless “I’m a Believer” which she turns too sugary, a feat that previously seemed impossible. It was Brooke at her absolute worst — all butterflies, sunshine and popsicles — but she redeemed herself by a soft, comparatively sparse “I Am I Said” that showcased her warm crooning at her best, as even her cracking voice lent it some emotional heft. It was as good as she should have been and it makes you wonder why on earth she picked “I’m a Believer” for her first song, as “You Got To Me” would have filled that same uptempo bill better.
David A: Jason and Brooke had worse performances, but hands down the most unbearable contestant of the night was — surprise surprise — David Archuleta, who breathlessly seized the opportunity to be a schmaltzy cheeseball. He was merely awful on “Sweet Caroline,” shoehorning runs where the song won’t allow it, and utterly horrific on “America,” singing with a po-faced sincerity that shows he can’t even be a good lounge singer because he doesn’t know how bloody ridiculous the tune is (quite the opposite of Neil’s original). At this point, I almost want him to take the thing just to see how bad his album will be.
Syesha: Ever willing to show off, Syesha picks a tune for her voice and a tune to tear it up, singing both expertly and quite boringly. She’s better on the ballad, as it really gives her a chance to run, but the decision to try make the faux-gospel of “Thank the Lord for the Nighttime” real (when it would have been better off in the hands of Jason, who would have had the audience clap along) shows she’s destined for the literalism of the theatah, not the pop charts.
What do you guys expect? Four bores in a row, dolly parton, mariah carey, andrew lloyd webber and neil diamond, just chosen for the fact that they need publicity for their new albums which are around the corner. I suspect that these stars paid money to make it their idol night.
There is a pattern in Fox’s reality shows, pit an aggressive brit against the americans, think of “the apprentice” winner, “hell’s kitchen” or idol. Henry James made everlasting art out of the inherent differences between the european and american cultures and a century later Fox is making money out of it.
For once I’m going to disagree with STE….partially. I loathe david Cook as much as he does, but even I thought his first song, “I’m Alive”, sounded fresh and honest, like something the show would be proud of to point at as a hit single they “inspired”. That brought me over to the fangirls’ side…for 20 minutes. And then and only then did the emo smug, hollow earnestness and churlish touches bring me back to life, back to reality, and made me remember just how much of a pre-fab tool he is.
And then there’s Archie, who just offends me in more ways than I can count, from his unrealistic talent-show karaoke of “Sweet Caroline”—performances like that make me think he will never get laid before he turns 25—to the nationalistic prattle of “America”. Neil did a wonderful, rousing take that sounded contemporary on 1981 pop radio, but this screamed “Vote Archuleta, and then vote Republican”. At least Kristy Lee had the foresight to pander and get better as the underdog who was struggling mightily when she picked “God Bless The U.S.A.”, and she gained momentum from it because she gained confidence. But it’s much more cynical to be one of the show’s darlings, and THEN pander to the red-state crowd. There’s absolutely nothing authentic in his voice, his mannerisms, his thought process OR his song selection. At least KLC sang “U.S.A.” with conviction; Archie’s “Let freedom ring”, which isn’t in the song itself, was phony and smacked of the same brainless nationalism so popular in the South at the expense of independent thought.
Other than that, welcome back, Brooke—though “I Am…I Said” was light years beyond a Magic Garden-inspired “I’m A Believer”. And Jason can go away anytime. Anyone who’d bypass “Cracklin’ Rosie” or “Red, Red Wine” for soft rock he can’t sing with feeling or personality deserves his fate, no matter what Pauler did.
As for Syesha, she’s going to be in the final three. She may be Broadway-bound, but she’s not sounded this polished and confident in eons. Besides, there’s no way that it can or should be three average guys against Brooke. Syesha’s been better the last two weeks than two of the guys, so it’s only fitting she stay over Jason.
I’m done for the year and couldn’t care less who wins. Boresville.
AI has to get back to contemporary music. It’s ridoculous to have these kids singing Neil Diamond. And boring.
See, the trick with this show is to not take it seriously. I don’t like or care about pop music, nor do I give a crap about who wins. I just like AmIdol because it’s utterly mindless, pointless entertainment. Is it destroying mainstream music? Maybe so. Who cares? Mainstream music has been sucktacular for years. If AmIdol and the music industry are going down the tube, my advice is to just sit back and enjoy the ride.
American I-dull reigns supreme. For someone who started off impressively, Archuleta’s performances have amounted to one long snore. It’ll never happen of course, but it would be a nice wakeup call for him to end up in the bottom two this week. I love STE’s insights, but I have to disagree on one point with David Cook. His mission should be to showcase himself and not the song. Neil Diamond hardly needs Cook to remind the world of his hit songs.
Paula’s snafu was a show-saving moment, but I hadn’t considered the possibility that the producers were feeding her lines. It’s an interesting theory.
I honestly cannot think that the judges are being set up on what to say. Simon for one is my favorite because he is always honest…if you suck you suck! I don’t sing so i know i suck and i won’t mind if someone told me i suck. I really dislike David Archuleta, because the shows pushes him way to much. Personally i think he sucks….his voice is NOT all that great. As a matter of fact the other 5 contenstents have better voices then him. I hope he goes home, but anyway back to the judges. I think Paula is just slow and doesn’t know half the time what she is talking about….”you are the yellow color” WHAT? She may be a good singer, but an airhead judge. I am sure the show is not setting up the judges on what to say. The voting that’s another story. Let’s just believe that all of the Millions OF Dollars they make per voting actually gets the people who we want to win the show.
I only caught the half of the first part so I missed the first performances of Jason, Brooke and David C. But I have to agree that it was a strange show indeed but there is an irresistibility to the crass vulgarity of this show that oddly fascinates and engages me. I won’t comment on the Paula Abdul episode because I actually feel for people who are embarrassed in public in a big way. I’m weird that way.
I like Jason on any given day but surviving last week’s ALW fiasco is mind-boggling. Although when seen through the logic of the show, it probably made sense that he outlasted Carly and did not even figure in the bottom two. “September Morn” is not really as terrible as people make it out to be, although when the finalists are whittled to the final 5, you kind of expect something approximating brilliance. Or in my world, some radical re-arrangement of songs that work rather than as an exercise in self-indulgence or self-gratification. Maybe Jason is not versatile but when he zones in musical settings more in keeping with his style and natural tessitura, he can be memorable. Not this week though. Nor last week. Not even the time he copied Iz note for note and lyric for myric (including the faux ones). I was thinking more of the time of Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah” and “I Don’t Wanna Cry”. But that’s just me. David Cook meanwhile has regrouped and gave what people and fans expect of him. I thought his second song was quite good and he made it work for him and maybe regale even more the already-converted fans. His smug attitude, no matter how authentic may be the stuff that most folks like in him as a whole but I respect him though I won’t probably buy his album. The praises rained on him (mostly from Randy) sometimes befuddle me, but . . . Now, for Brooke. I like the warm colors of her voice, the timbre, the occasionally brilliant phrasing and her demeanor. I actually agree with the judges that her “I Am I Said” showcased the vulnerable Brooke that I also like, but I hasten to add that there is a hint of defiance to the whole proceedings. As though she wants to have fun but in a differently calibrated way. I like her to stay but her ’style’ may not be the stuff that would place her in the top three. David Archuleta’s “Sweet Caroline” was cute (I’m being sarcastic) but indistinguishable from other performers who didn’t make the top 24 this year. His second song did not move me again, but I guess voting against flag-waving songs would be un-nationalistic. Or maybe he sang all the notes right, but if I may be nit-picky, how can anyone ignore the crack in his voice in the beginning of the last stanza? It didn’t sound to me like little David’s stab at saluting outsider singers like Daniel Johnston or Ed Askew. More like an inability to handle the technical demand of the song’s scale. But Syesha certainly does not shirk away from interval leaps. I agree that theatre-bound or not, she possessed a mighty voice that can handle the monolithically range-y requirements of the song. I used to call her earlier performances as precise but soul-less, but I cannot deny her desire to improve herself week after week, tackle cliche songs with predictable aplomb a few centimeters away from being outright glorious. Yet I like her for her outsider status and her unfazed spirit to improve herself. Her perpetual bottom-dweller status and the fact that the judges (save for Paula) always give her faint praise and back-handed compliments, solidify her survivor-like tenacity to remain in the game longer than most soothsayers’ claims. Maybe in the future, the show can benefit from having a left-of-center kind of theme or something truly macabre for the mainstream’s taste: death metal, bebop jazz vocals, digging into the songbooks of B.J. Snowden or Annette Peacock or Roky Erickson. Or doing things a capella. Or having a duet partner. But if people think that having non-contemporary mentors in the show like Neil Diamond, Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber, Dolly Parton, etc. is already too far afield and not in step with pop culture, then we’d never hear someone sing a Captain Beefheart song. In his keys. In his arrangements.
Jeez, STE, way to put the worst possible spin on everything. David Cook is the sort of performer I’d never give ten seconds thought to in the real world, but in the petrie dish environment of AI, he’s far and away the best AND most original of all the contestants. There’s not a shred of evidence that Cook thinks the songs he sang were good, and he’s got a right to be justly proud of making far and away the best of a horrible situation, because there’s no such thing as a good Neil Diamond song. Diamond was never more than the poor man’s Gene Pitney (itself nothing to write home about) and later the male Barbra Streisand (which is also the diametric opposite of a compliment) - except on tonight’s elimination show, when he tried to be the VERY poor man’s Leonard Cohen with his ghastly new song. Anyway, to say that Cook proved he has no taste by choosing bad Neil Diamond songs to sing is nonsense because what other choice did he have? He could choose bad known ND songs or bad unknown ones, and the unknown are the much smarter choice at this point because you can’t be accused of singing bad karaoke versions of songs nobody knows. Which everyone else did.
I’ll say this for David Cook: American Idol’s most ridiculous premise is that whoever’s destined to be a modern pop idol should be able to make a perfectly acceptable version of whatever pop music tripe from ancient history the producers can dig up, whether it’s Broadway hits, Tony Bennett songs, Neil Diamond compositions, whatever. (I’m surprised they haven’t had a ’30s British vaudeville music hall night yet.) But so far, alone of all the contestants who’ve ever been on the show, Cook has. I’m not sure that’s a compliment, but it does demonstrate that he’s equipped to play the game. Sure, he and David Archuleta only really sing about four notes each, but Archuleta’s four notes sound like he was castrated before he hit puberty - and Fantasia won by never singing no more than four notes.
At any rate, there’s no longer any reason to even think about voting these season. What’s the worst that could happen? Cook’s the only one with a whiff of a possible career about him, and if he gets voted off he’ll still have a record contract inside of a week.
Regarding Paula’s flubs: did anybody else notice that at the end when she criticized Syesha she called her “Brooke”?
Ummm………… Do Brooke and Syesha really look THAT much alike?!?!?
Me? I am just pissed to hell that David Cook did not do Solitary Man (and I have seriously been wishing and praying for Archuleta to get crushed to death on live tv by a falling light rig or something ever since he did that bizarre David Foster song he claims he picked out himself. WHY could my dream not have come true this week about 2 lines into America? Does God not hear my pleas?).
I have yet to watch a full episode of AI, but at least the AllMusic roundtables over the last few years were an entertaining read… witty, snarky, everything AI isn’t.
Apparently this season is TRULY the worst, because I can’t even sit through the AllMusic blogs anymore. Maybe take this as an omen and dispense with future useless AI chatter in favor of spotlighting some (gasp) DESERVING music instead??….
“because there’s no such thing as a good Neil Diamond song”
I’m A Believer
Shilo
Cherry Cherry
Girl, You’ll Be A Woman Soon
Cracklin’ Rose
Red, Red Wine
A Little Me, A Little Bit You
Solitary Man
You’re joking right?
I’ll give you “Red, Red Wine” - okay, ONE, if it’s got the reggae arrangement - but you honestly think the rest of those are good songs?
I know everyone has different tastes and all but sometimes in pop music there are some things that are empirically true. Like: “I’m A Believer” is a great pop song.