Heather Phares: So, they managed to make Idol Gives Back worse this year!
Andrew Leahey: Heather tells me she loved the show. Been ranting about it all morning long …
Matt Collar: Less dancing celebrity bits and more Jennifer Connelly in hot pants.
HP: Those were the saddest, most guilt-inducing hot pants ever.
MC: And boy, I felt guilty.
Stephen Thomas Erlewine: How did I miss Jennifer Connelly? Because I had my Tivo on fast-forward throughout much of the show.
AL: She was serving up some dirty water to children. I had to watch it live since I don’t have DVR, and it was very painful. What happened to the promise of Obama? I could’ve sworn he was supposed to appear.
MC: I too fast-forwarded through some stuff, but frankly I kind of watch it more for the serious parts, which I found really gut-wrenching and nicely produced.
STE: The serious stuff did seem to be well-produced but there’s so much of it! There seemed to be little actual entertainment there actually. Even if you count the Comic Relief refugees as entertainment.

MC: I think they blew their wad with Miley. I mean, she was the main attraction.
HP: Yeah, I dunno, her fakey smiley persona was really tiresome and her singing wasn’t great. And Miley’s songs were so out of place with the “emotional” tone of the rest of the night.
AL: Miley was a flurry of hair extensions and mediocre talent and bad jokes.
STE: I don’t know — Miley Cyrus is problematic — she’s a draw they didn’t really need. And she can’t do emotional the way that Annie Lennox did, but she’s a good performer — more interesting to watch than some of the Idol contestants.
AL: I liked the whole Annie segment. She connected more with the kids in her video segment than Celine did.
HP: Yeah, “Many Rivers to Cross” was actually good.
MC: A friend pointed out this morning that if Miley was on Idol she probably wouldn’t do that well. She’s not a great singer. I do appreciate her kind of tweener-Pat Benatar stage presence though.
STE: But Miley also has the benefit of performing big stages for a long time — so she owns it more than a lot of them. I thought she was easier to watch, even with the scrunchy face, than other contestants.
AL: I thought it was awkward. That microphone stand was like her pendulum. She just swung herself around it for the duration of the first song.

MC: Not as awkward as the Celebrity Cover Band?
HP: The Band From TV! I liked that for the sheer WTF-ness. Plus, Greg Grunberg can do no wrong.
STE: To me, the show needed more Celeb Cover Band moments. I like that kind of shameless cross-pollination celeb shtick — it’s surprising, trashy and fun.
HP: If you’re going to do something that strange and kitschy, commit to it all the way! And that doesn’t mean more Robin Williams.
AL: Nothing should mean more Robin Williams.
HP: “Won’t someone think of the viewers?”
STE: To me, that was the second most fascinating moment of the night — Robin recycling that Yakov Smirnov shtick, Simon not quite hiding his exasperation.
HP: That’s true, Tom, but it was soooooo painful. The Miley/Billy Crystal bit was interesting for the same reason, but still hard to watch.
MC: Robin Williams was admittedly in bad taste, but I still liked him, possibly BECAUSE it was so tasetless and offensive and schticky.
STE: Really, seeing Robin and Billy getting OLD was fascinating to me. They seemed like borscht belt comedians on one of the first Jerry Lewis telethons.

AL: Heather, were you giddy or nauseous when they used Rihanna’s song for the opener?
HP: Both! Syesha found a diva she actually can sing better than… but then all those dancers came along.
AL: Yeah, it turned into “American Idol Bandstand.” I thought the solos in that song were good. Jason Castro does a good Rihanna impression.
MC: Jason Castro sounded really good — like he’s got some boy band in him down deep.
AL: He pulls off the dreads so much better than that worthless dude from ‘N Sync, though…
STE: The kids were a complete afterthought last night.
HP: Yes, and that was one of the few things that was actually kind of nice about the show — getting a break from the Idols.
STE: Ha! Good point.

HP: So, DAUGHTRY is now pretty much officially the season 5 winner now, eh?
MC: Well, they wanted Daughtry to win too.
HP: Right, but now they’ve made the revision that he won official. Since he’s “the best selling band of last year.”
STE: Love that he’s a band now — just like Blondie.
HP: Oh, if only he were BLONDIE.
AL: Daughtry is the new Dave Matthews. With slightly less hair.
HP: BALDIE?
MC: Debbie Hairless.
AL: Chris Daughtry, wearing a skull cap while walking through AFRICA.
MC: Yeah, but he seemed genuinely moved by his experience in Africa. I like that vibe though. Like they drop these unprepared rocker-types down in the sweltering heat and poverty and it just totally blows their minds. He looked all clammy and tired and totally overcome with emotion. I like seeing rich celebrities getting smacked in the face with dire, harsh reality. And on Idol Gives Back they do a really good job of making seem pretty organic and real.
HP: Honestly, I connected more with the segment where Fantasia and Elliott went to Africa earlier in the season. That actually made me want to give money!
AL: Maybe that’s because it’s easier to feel a connection with Elliot? And I agree — that clip was the most poignant thing I’ve seen all season.
STE: Elliott is one of the few Idol contestants that is continually empathetic.
HP: I guess it just boils down to me liking Elliott better, even after two years. Still, with that segment, they got the point across in five minutes, not 150.

AL: Carrie Underwood didn’t have a video segment, did she? Seemed like most of the performers also traveled to some poverty-stricken area…
HP: Carrie’s performance was good, but she shouldn’t talk much — the setup with Teri was awkward.
MC: Setup was weird, but DANG, Carrie looks and sounds phenomenal. Fergie sounded and looked great, too. Yeah, her whole frenetic cartwheel thing was odd, but I suspect she’s been getting in shape by doing gymnastics and wanted to show off.
HP: Hmmm, can’t say I agree with you on any of that, Matt. But I guess she was better than Miley. Or less aggravating than Miley, which is saying something.
AL: I thought she was a rock & roll caricature, actually. She nailed the vocals toward the end. That first song was dreadful. I don’t think she delivers ballads well at all. I did like the acrobatics, though.
MC: I fast-forwarded through the ballad with John Legend. I just meant the Heart stuff.
STE: I’m sorry, I just kind of hate Fergie, and thought that the Wilsons totally showed her up.
MC: You don’t think she nailed the vocals?! I was impressed.
STE: No, I don’t really — I thought she was marginally better at rocking than David Cook, but was outclassed by Heart. Of course, I still have night terrors about her Bumbershoot set.

MC: Were the Idols answering phones live?
STE: Can’t imagine they were answering live, but maybe it was.
AL: I attempted to find a number to call, actually, but didn’t come up with anything.
STE: You contriubted last year right?
AL: Yes. And this year.
MC: Who did you speak with?
AL: No one — I spoke with their website.
MC: At least you didn’t have to speak to David Cook’s hand.
AL: David Cook will rise again. And he will lay waste to your picks for the Top Two.
STE: No, he won’t.
HP: Yeah, any thoughts on who’s leaving? I still think it’s Syesha’s time.
MC: I can agree with that, although I fear for Carly.
AL: Bottom Three: Syesha, Kristy, Carly.
STE: Syesha, Carly, David. They’re gonna do a double-shocker because Carly and David were so bad.
AL: And who’s going home, Tom?
STE: Flip between Carly and Syesha — my gut is on Syesha, but I think that it’s time for a shocker — and Carly really did no favors by blaming it on Simon
MC: NOBODY IS GOING HOME! Kidding.
AL: Someone better go home. I didn’t watch 3.5 hours of Idol thus far to see Syesha stay.
STE: I tell you, with another show tonight, somebody should go home. “We’re all winners!” — isn’t gonna cut it.
HP: As angry as I am with myself and the show for wasting two and a half hours of my life, I will be BEYOND FURIOUS if they don’t boot someone tonight.
STE: Especially because it’s another freaking hour tonight!
HP: Yeah, if this is an hour of bonus footage from Idol Gives Back, I am done with this show for good.
AL: Or at least until next Tuesday …

MC: Whoever goes home this week — do you think it will be due to their performance or lack of steady voting block? Like, will Carly go because she picked a bad song or stay despite it because she has a big voting fanbase?
HP: Lack of voting block. I don’t think Syesha has as much momentum/voting base as say, David Cook or Carly, though I think they were both worse than she was on Tuesday. But we don’t really know if Carly HAS a big fanbase … do we? They haven’t done much with who the top vote-getters are this season.
MC: This is the real test of that.
AL: I don’t know — I think Syesha has been steadily worse than the others, and Tuesday’s performance doesn’t give her enough of an upswing to send Carly or David home instead of her.
STE: Syesha could slip by because there is no other big-voiced singer in there. But she’s forgettable.
MC: I could see Jason Castro going home despite giving good uke.
AL: He would be a certainty for the Bottom 3 if he hadn’t pulled that song off It’s also important to note that he didn’t mess up the lyrics — he sang them the way they’re structured in the cover.
HP: Yeah — that was the one thing I didn’t like about that version of the song.
STE: Jason is easily safe — especially if you note that the Israel version is selling well on iTunes.
AL: What, you mean Our Lady Peace isn’t getting a boost?
STE: And I think Carly, who has already been in the bottom two, is dangerous because she’s a real hard one to figure out — lots of raw talent that she’s learned to hone, but not a whole lot of star charisma, and I still maintain that tattoo will keep some voters away.
AL: I don’t know what kind of singer she wants to be. She auditioned with Whitney, and now she’s singing these classic rock tunes…
MC: I think she’s got star charisma, but just isn’t good with the Idol game. There is no pretense about her.

AL: I never thought Brooke would be a more viable Idol candidate than Carly. Brooke would’ve been the coolest babysitter ever. She’d totally bake you cookies and take you to the park.
MC: I bet Jason would bake you something and take you to the park too!
STE: Well, as I’ve said before, Brooke is much closer to the current vibe on the charts – Colbie Caillat, Sara Bareilles, etc.
HP: But then you wonder why a genuine-seeming singer songwriter type needs to be on a show like Idol.
STE: Excellent point Heather — the whole point of Idol is to get a Leona Lewis. (Sidenote: After listening to Leona, they really haven’t found another Mariah on Idol the way that they did on X Factor. And I can’t imagine any contestant here getting this kind of international push the way Leona is.) With Carly, you can almost see how this whole process — trying to get heard on the major label — has worn her down completely. She’s defiant when she doesn’t need to be, can’t quite pick songs, isn’t sure how to present herself.
MC: She’s been through the pop machine before and I think she’s decided that it has mean something to her personally, or why even bother.
AL: All she needs to do is mention the name of that tattoo business she co-owns. Boom — solid business for a year or so.
STE: Well, you’d think so Andrew — then you see that awful tattoo she has. Or her husband’s face.
MC: She should get one of those portrait tattoos of her husband’s tattooed face on her arm.
AL: How… meta?
HP: Yeah, that must never happen, for the good of the space-time continuum.
MC: A portrait tattoo of his tatooed face looking into a mirror on Carly’s arm reflected looking into a mirror…
HP: Matt, do you WANT the world to end?
AL: Matt should write for Lost.
MC: Driveshaft should reform with David Cook as lead singer.

STE: Final thought — since this is our first roundtable, arriving in the mid-point of the season: Who will be the final three?
HP: David Cook, Brooke … David A? With the Davids and Brooke, you have three very different options and three contestants who have very clear identities. Actually, I’d be really happy if David A left soon. I’m done with him.
AL: I’d be happy to David A left soon, too, but there would be hell to pay if he did.
HP: Really? Again, I have no idea just how strong his fan base is … maybe I’m underestimating it.
AL: I think I agree with Heather’s prediction of the Final Three: The Davids and Brooke. Jason might be able to edge his way in there, but he has to be SOLID from here on out. Which won’t happen, what with April 20th coming up and everything….
HP: Yeah, I don’t think he has it in him, as much as I like him.
STE: I think Jason could edge out one of the Davids — either Cook’s Our Lady Peace mistake starts derailing him, or David A just is too syurpy and square to make it — but Clay made it to the final two.
MC: I say David A makes it. David Cook makes it. Everybody else is up in the air.
AL: Syesha and Kristy most definitely do NOT make it.
MC: Third spot is Carly’s for the taking if she can get her song choices together. I don’t see Brooke going to the three.
STE: I think David C is on shakier ground than people think — and not just because I dislike him, but I think he’ll do more performances like this week, not less. Carly I just don’t see fan support elsewhere. The Davids have support, so do Jason and maybe Brooke. And I think that Cook and Carly’s screw-ups could echo poorly in the next weeks, especially with Mariah and Neil Diamond weeks coming up.
HP: We’ll see — this is the first time Cook has really screwed up. As much as I like Carly, I just don’t think she communicates enough personality to make it to the final three. Oh yeah, I almost forgot about Michael. He might still be able to make it.
AL: Not unless he pulls out the blues again.
MC: Michael Johns is the dark horse.
AL: If you listen to Michael’s old band, they are not too great.
STE: Doesn’t matter if Michael’s old band is not great — he can be better than competition on certain weeks. Michael actually could make it more than Jason, but Jason is more like Brooke in terms of vibe of the charts.
HP: Yeah, that’s why I didn’t put both Brooke and Jason in my Final Three. Brooke is more consistent, Jason is more charming.
STE: And charming usually wins out in things like this.
HP: Was Jordin all that charming?
STE: No, Jordin was not charming, and neither was Blake.
HP: I think they’ll go with consistent. Brooke is just “meh” when she’s at her worst, but when Jason’s bad, I don’t think he really recovers from it.
MC: Brooke was way iffy this week for me. She should have nailed that.
STE: She did good, but would have been better on the piano.
AL: I don’t agree there — I think her vocals suffer when she does piano.
MC: I think her vocals suffer when she’s with a band.
STE: I think that she seems more natural when she’s with an instrument — spot-on vocals don’t matter to me as much as overall performance.
HP: Right, and I like that they’ve got a female contestant who is as much a musician as she is a singer.
AL: Agreed. I just felt more of a connection with her on Tuesday night than I would’ve if she had to split her attention between the vocals and the piano keys.
MC: No way Brooke will be able to sing the Idol song.
HP: Depends on what it is — we don’t know what they’ve got to choose from and how they could be tailoring the pick to the last few finalists.
STE: Yeah, they always tailor the songs — so look for something that David A can sing.
AL: They should let the contestants write their own.
STE: Really, I can’t imagine David A or C selling records, or Michael for that matter. Jason and Brooke are the only ones that have a real chance But I don’t see them winning.

MC: Archuleta is going to sell a googillion records though.
STE: I don’t think David A would sell records.
MC: Did you hear those screams for him last night? I’m not saying I like him, but I think he’s way more commercial than you are giving him credit for.
STE: Sure, there were screams for him, but picture him making a record — at best, you get Measure of a Man delivered five years later.
AL: I think Cook can sell records.
STE: I don’t think so.
AL: To each his own, my friend.
STE: Yes, I don’t like David C — but he’s not as good at this game as Daughtry. There’s a huge difference between patterning yourself after Live and patterning yourself after Our Lady Peace.
AL: If Cook performs with Our Lady Peace in the final episode, then I’ll grant you that.
MC: Right, but he sure butchered that OLP track. Their version is actually somewhat catchy. I couldn’t even garner the chorus from him.
AL: Remember that Daughtry also sang Fuel, and Seether and CREED. He singlehandedly boosted record sales for Wind-Up Records.
STE: Yes, but Fuel had a real US hit, which OLP never has. Also, Cook looks like he’s following in Daughtry’s footsteps, the way that Archuleta looks like he’s following Clay, and the second coming often doesn’t do as well as the first.
MC: Archuleta wins hands down.
STE: You get an Archuleta win, you have two bland teens two years in a row — don’t believe that will happen.
HP: Exactly. Archuleta is like some werid Clay/Jordin hybrid — the most cloying tendencies of both in one person.
MC: Okay, but Archuleta gets final two. NO WAY he’s out before the end. Best bet for me is David A going up against David C. in finals.
STE: Archuleta will only get out before the end if he really botches a week. But if he wins, we’re definitely not doing another year of this.